I have noticed a growing trend in children upbringing that is worrying. The strict raising though not sweet by then helped instill discipline in us.
Sparing the rod has really spoiled some of our young ones who are growing up as if they have no moral foundation. You listen to how young kids speak nowadays and you’ll be shocked. The rudeness is of crazy level yet you’ve not tackled the hardheadedness and arrogance.
When I was growing up, it was unheard of for a child of five years and there about to exchange words with an adult. I was shocked the other day to hear a small child shouting at an adult, giving orders and clicking. Whatever is happening to our morals, is not so good.
I’ve heard some people say that it’s no longer appropriate to cane children. That you should talk to them instead of beating them. That if you cane them they will grow up hating you.
The theory doesn’t apply to me. If you’re an African like me with an African mum and a Kenyan one for that matter, then you have a rough idea of what a real beating is. We have not tackled the “talking eyes” where your mum didn’t have to tell you you’re doing wrong. One look was enough to tell you things are not okay. If you tried to be nosy around visitors and or behave inappropriately the eyes did the talking.
About beating, I don’t think beating kids would make them hate parents. If it were so, then my mum would be my greatest enemy. As a village girl, I didn’t have the privilege of being beaten with slippers or wooden stick. There is a nylon rope that was used to tie the cow’s legs while being milked. Due to prolonged usage and frequent contact with milking oil, the rope became twice as hard. That right there was my mum’s “slippers” for beating me.
To parents, being too soft to kids and letting them grow up undisciplined is your undoing. It might seem as love but the repercussions are felt later when your child misbehaves or disrespects you in public. The blame will be on the parents and mostly mothers because people will ask ” who is his/her mother”?
I have heard a common phrase from men that women are complicated. That it is hard to understand them. Well, how about we talk when a woman loves? Even in their complicatedness, women are very poor at hiding it if they are in love.
As much as ladies have the habit of saying one thing and meaning the other, love is a topic ladies talk about in black and white. Ever seen a lady explaining how she loves someone? The words, gestures and facial expressions are all in one accord.
I’m not talking about crushes or a boyfriend who a lady sticks to as a matter of convenience, I mean a man in whom the lady sees a future with like a potential husband. One thing, she will talk about it. If she has a best friend who is trustworthy, she is the third party in the relationship. The best friend knows like 90% of what happens in that relationship. She might have gone through all the chats or eavesdropped in some conversations. If she loves you, she will say it out loud.
She will justify the wrong doings of a man she loves. She will defend the man and find reasons to hold on even when it’s not worth it. When a woman loves, she will overlook all flaws as well as cope up with some poor habits even when she can’t bear them.
She will understand the man and go out of her way to help him achieve his goals in life. She will work towards being helpful instead of being a burden. If a lady is all about money and material things, and she gets mad when you don’t give it to her, my brother run for your life. She loves your money not you.
A woman that loves you will understand when tell her you will not be taking her for holidays because you’re investing or running on a tight budget. She will work towards knowing the real you, what you like and what you dislike and do that which pleases you. She will push you to work hard and be a better version of yourself.
She will take your growth as hers and help you achieve it. She will be all about growth. Therefore, when a woman loves you, she will support you, tolerate you, defend you and be mindful of your progress and well being.
It’s not until a friend shared with me about a witle-to-be that broke up on the eve of their wedding because of a misunderstanding that I realized how vital effective communication is.
One of my favourite quotes says that between what is said and not meant and what is meant and not said, most love is lost. I cannot stress how much critical communication is in any relationship.
Disagreements will always be there but how we talk about them brings the whole difference. Some of us have the habit of assuming the other party knows what is happening. That they are supposed to be aware when we are stressed, not in a good mood or something is wrong. We expect them to behave or handle us in a certain way, and when they don’t that becomes a fight.
While there are people who can easily tell when a friend is not okay, majority of people are poor at this, and unless you talk it out no one will help even if they have the ability.
When communication lacks, most things are ruined because instead of knowing what the other person is feeling, we assume. Hence learn to communicate. Say what you don’t like or how you’re feeling. If you don’t like a dress your wife wears, don’t avoid walking with her because she wore it. Let her know you don’t like it and she will never wear it because it’s in the nature of a woman to please the man she values. The problem with some of us, we know how to air our views but in the wrong way.
If you told her something like “honey, I like it more when you wear the other dress instead of this”. A sharp woman will understand that you don’t like it and she will change into what you love. However, there are these kinds of people who will just say something like ” you look thirty years older than your age in that dress”. Though she will change into something else, damage will have been done.
As much as the message is the same, how it is communicated and its effect is totally different. It is therefore imperative to air your view but more so, airing them properly, otherwise quarrel among people will never seize if they don’t talk about issues in their lives.